Letters from my Heart
by Stardust3299
Summary: "I know you don't want to hear from me, but tough- because i really want to hear from you. I want to talk about us- or what used to be us. Because to tell you the truth, I'm still hurting". Courtney sighs and sets her pen down- Should she really do this?
1. Hurt

I just really wanted to writ this story as soon as it came to me so enjoy!

Dear Duncan,

I know you don't want to hear from me but tough- because I really want to hear from you. I know what you're thinking now. Probably something along the lines of: Are you sure this is Courtney? She can't be serious. Well I am. I really am. I want to talk about us. Or what used to be us because to tell you the truth I'm still hurting.

I miss you. I miss the way you teased me with your silly taunts and pet names. When I think of what could have been between us if I was just a bit more caring and understanding I feel so horrible and there's this pain in my heart deep down. I'm admitting this purely because I need closure. I don't want this ache inside my heart anymore, I don't. Its been 2 months since the end of Total Drama World Tour and I still can't forget. And as much as it pains me to say this- I want to move on and feel FREE. I miss you Duncan and although I don't think I would ever say it to your face… I loved you and maybe I still do.

I want to know that you've forgiven me Duncan. So just try to write back to me, just once. So I guess you're expecting me to say hope you're happy with Gwen now? Well forget it because I still am me and I will always not like you're relationship. Just try and write back. Please?

I'll love you just a little bit, always.

Love from Courtney xxx

I set down my pen and folded the letter into an envelope. I wrote down his address. I knew it so well now. I leaned back in my chair and sighed with relief. My therapist was right, this did feel good. I've been thinking and thinking about Duncan but I didn't know why. Well I did but I just didn't want to admit it. Everything's been going so well in my life. I'm planning to go to London to go to Oxford University but yet I'm still thinking about a hopeless delinquent? I had asked my therapist this two weeks ago when I went to see her. She patted my knee and looked at me sympathetically with her big blue eyes. "Try writing a letter for your emotions. It will make you feel better". So that's exactly what I just did. But don't worry I'm not going to send it. Nope. Not over my dead body. I chuckled to myself quietly in my bedroom. No way was I sending that letter.

Later on I decided to take a shower, you know to cleanse my soul. I set the water on luke warm and let the water wash over me. I closed my eyes thinking, about you know who. I heard my mom go into my room while I was in the shower. She shouted to me saying something but I couldn't hear and I didn't want to be disturbed so I just yelled back a mumbled yes, thinking it was her telling me to clean my room. I heard the front door shut 5 minutes later. Oh well. She's probably just gone out. I got out the shower ten minutes later, a towel wrapped around my mocha skin. I walked into my room and found a note laying on bed. I smiled. Must be from mom.

Courtney,

I've just gone out to run a few errands, hope you don't mind. I found an envelope addressed on your desk addressed to southern Ontario. I picked it up and am going to post it. I asked you if you wanted it posted and you said yes so don't get angry if it wasn't meant to

Love, mom

My eyes widened and my jaw dropped. I slumped on my bed. My eyebrows furrowed. Crap! She realley mailed it. What would Duncan say. Would he smirk? Would he laugh? Would he and Gwen just mock me? I couldn't bear to think about it anymore. I lay back on my bed tears running down my cheek. The ache in my heart was worse than ever. Of course I didn't want mom to pick it up and mail it but some of me does. I can't help it. I love him.

Sooooooooo what do you think? Please give me all your thoughts! Read and Review please!

Love Peace Happiness,

InsanelyCrazy3299, The Angry Hippy

miss you Duncan and although I don'


	2. Shocked

2) Duncan

I wake up late, my head pounding painfully. I grin to myself, remembering the crazy party Geoff threw last night. Man, that was awesome. I went with Gwen of course. I picked her up at around 9:00pm and we headed to Geoff's place. It was a massive pool party and it was just crazy. There was like a ton of alcohol as well so that helped too. Of course me and Gwen just sloped off somewhere and chatted, nice and friendly. I sighed. Just the way I like it between us. Nice, calm and simple. I'm just happy to be away from Total Drama. I smirked. Never again. My head pounded once more. I groan and slump my head against my pillow. I was just about to fall asleep again when my mom knocks on the door and peers in. She sighs. "Why on earth are you still sleeping Duncan? Its past midday. Get up. Oh and there's a letter for you. And read it, don't just throw it to the side. It could be important". She threw the envelope at me and I caught it, sighing. As she closed the door I could see a sly grin forming on her face. Huh.

I peer at the envelope and find its already been opened. I frown. My nosy mom. I got out the letter and tossed the envelope across the room. I scan it uneasily and my heart almost skips a beat.

It's from Courtney. I gulped, my eyes wide. 

But... it can't be. Since when did she get so mushy? She's saying all this stuff like she loves me and she's actually...hurting. She says she misses me. Wow. Never thought I'd hear her say that. An image of her forms in my mind: her flawless mocha skin, her clear, sweet ( and annoying) voice. They way her nose scrunches up when she's angry or I do something wrong.

But her eyes... Her eyes were something else.

They were dark, glittering black diamonds. Luring me in with just one glance and I was helpless. They bore into me and just from her eyes I knew what Courtney was thinking. Her beautiful eyes like the shimmering night sky... I feel a lump forming in my throat and i shook my head. Man, what was this girl doing to me? I haven't spoken to her in over 2 months and yet she still has this impact on me? Wow. I finished reading the letter. She asked me to write back. I smiled weakly. She wants me to write back? Fine I will. Just don't expect me to get all mushy. I fished pen and paper out drawer and began to write.

Dear Courtney,

So you miss me, huh? I knew you would. Just couldn't resist me could you? Well I guess I couldn't resist you just that little bit either. I don't know what there is to talk about. Like you said, there was an us, but there isn't anymore. We just weren't ready for each other. Simple. I guess I know what you mean by this closure thingy. But I'm not admitting anything so don't get wrong. It doesn't matter anymore Courtney. Everything has been said and everything has been done. I'll never forget you. Mostly for bad reasons but I guess there's some good in there as well. For the past 2 months its been a blur. Flying through senior year and parties and relationships and all that crap. I've tried to keep you out of mind but here you are, popping right back in my life again. I feel like i've been through war and back which is crazy because its only been 2 months. Shows how much I've missed you. So now I want to be FREE and move on, Courtney.

I can't say I don't want you to stop talking to me because I've learnt my lesson from saying that to you on Total Drama, so maybe we could keep the relationship stuff on a low for a while?

I guess you want me to say I love you now huh?

Well... You're just going to have to wait for that.

Anyway, gotta go,

Duncan

I sighed, letting the pen drop out of my hand. My eyes glistened over. I shook my head. I'm not crying over Courtney. No Way. I get dressed and leave the house making my way towards the post office. I've got to meet Gwen so might as well post the letter on my way.

I grab the letter from my pocket, putting the letter in the post box, not giving myself enough time for hesitation. I glanced up ahead of me and saw Gwen. I knew it was her from the bright teal streaks in her hair. I smiled and jogged up to her. She jumped as I placed my arm around her shoulders. "Hey babe. You're looking especially pasty today".

She smirked and shoved me playfully. "Not so bad yourself. You're eyes are red. Have you been crying?" She smirked again.

My heart beat increases and my eyes widened. I calmed again when she punched me lightly in the arm. I led her towards the mall. "Well wouldn't you like to know princess?"

Gwen looked up at me, her eyebrows raised. "Um, Princess?" I stiffened realising what I just said. Damn it. Why'd I say that? Screw you Courtney!

"Um, yeah! I thought it suited you". I shrugged it off lightly. Gwen rolled her eyes. "Weirdo".

I smirked. "Yep. But you love me anyway". She punched me lightly in the arm and rolled her eyes. "Whatever".

Sooooo guys what did you think? I don't think it was that good. Screw you writers block! Anyway i'm open to ideas about courtney's reaction and blah blah blah so keep reviewing!

Love Peace Happiness

InsanelyCrazy3299


	3. Care

3) Courtney

I sat cross legged on my bed my brown hair falling over my eyes as I leant down, studying my law and justice books. Its been a week since my mom posted that letter. I don't know if he'll write back. I cringe as I think of what I wrote. I shook my head. Why did I have to write something so cheesy? I could see Duncan reading it now: smirking, shaking his head. He probably thinks I've lost all my strength over him and I'm this little puny weakling. I shuddered at the thought. But… isn't that what I am right now? Look at me… I'm sitting here on my bed waiting and hoping that this guy who cheated on me and broke my heart on international television 2 months ago, will write back to my sucky crappy letter. I cringed at my weakness. Gosh, what am I doing? I have a future. I am going to Oxford University. I am going to become a lawyer. I am going to become rich and have everything I've ever wanted and be happy.

I sighed.

Being happy and having everything I've ever wanted seems impossible… without Duncan.

I groaned. Gosh, get over him Courtney. Get a grip girl! I think, mentally slapping myself. I hear a knock on my door. "Come in" I mumble flatly.

My mom comes over and pats my shoulder. "It's ok honey. He hasn't forgotten about you. Look he wrote back! I'm just going to the grocery store ok Courtney? I'll see you later sweetheart". She kisses my forehead and pads out my room and out the front door. I looked at the letter in my hand. My heart skipped a beat. He wrote back! Oh my gosh he really wrote back! But… wait. How did my mom know that I… I scowled. My nosy mom.

I rip the envelope open but then I stop. What if the letters not what I hope it will be? Maybe he just wrote to tell me to piss off and stop writing him cheesy letters. I sighed and sat up straight. I'll never know if I don't do it. I rip it open and read. My heart feels light and small smile spread across my mouth . I let a giggle escape my lips as I read the first line: "_So you miss me, huh? I knew you would. Just couldn't resist me could you?__". _Just Duncan being his normal, over confident, arrogant self. I smile at all the subliminal messages he's put in the letter. He say's we just weren't ready for each other. So is he saying that maybe now we're a bit more mature, theres a chance? He says he'll never forget me. Maybe he still thinks about everyday too? He says he feels like he's been through war and he misses me. Does he feel this ache like I do? He says he loves me… Well he didn't say it _exactly. _He says I'm just going to have to wait for that one. I hug the letter to my chest and grin. I feel so warm now, knowing that he cares. But he still says he wants to be friends… I guess that's fine… for now. Just as long as he's talking to me. I push my books to one side and grab pen and paper. And I start to write him a reply letter.

Dear Duncan,

You haven't changed a bit have you? Just as arrogant as always. But, I guess that's what I like about you.

I guess I can stop talking about relationships…for now. I still miss you Duncan, a lot. And it hurts not knowing whether you care or not, so now I guess I'm happy knowing you do care.

So…. Hows life been treating you? Still a criminal delinquent? Wouldn't surprise if you were. Have you kept in touch with any of the Total Drama contestants? I bet it wouldn't surprise you if I tell you I didn't.

Well that's where you're wrong. I kept in touch with Heather ( mostly because she transferred to my high school and we had a little… unfinished business that I had to settle) and strangely Cody ( because he only lives like 20 minutes away from me).

Oh and thanks for writing back to me. It means a lot just knowing you made an effort. I hope we can be friends. But don't go getting the idea that I've turned into this weakling because I'm not. I could still kick your ass if I wanted to.

Anyway… write back as soon as you can.

Love, Courtney.

I smiled and put the letter in an envelope. I walked out to the post office right away. One thought remained in my head the whole entire day: He cares. He really does care.

_**Duncan's POV**_

I stepped though my front door sighing. Just got back from Gwen's house and guess what? We had an argument… again. It was stupid really. We were sitting in her room, watching a horror movie and she just got up to go to the bathroom. I saw her diary peeping out from under her pillow and I started to flip through it, out of curiosity. Nothing major. But then she comes back in and finds me reading it and she's all like: "Duncan, you don't just pick up and read my diary, it's private!" "Duncan you have no respect for me!" "Duncan that's totally harsh!" "Duncan, why are you being so nosy!"

So then I get all irritated so I start yawning and she starts yelling so then I leave.

Whatever. She'll be back tomorrow. I walk into my living room to find that I have the house to myself. Huh. Why not throw a party?

I pick up the mail that's lying on the coffee table and I flick through it. Bill. Bill. Bill. Bill. Duncan… Wait… there's one for me? I pick it up and sit down on my sofa, beginning to read. I grin. It's from princess! At least she's being co operative and saying she'll keep the relationship stuff on a low. But just as I'm starting to think she's gone soft on me she says she'll kick my ass. I smirk. Same old Courtney.

I rummage through the draws and find a pen and paper. And I start to write a letter back.

Dear Courtney,

So you decided to write back? I knew you would. And don't worry about it, I miss you too. A lot.

Life's been fine, not great, but ok. Come on, I wasn't that much of a criminal, was I? I guess I've calmed down a bit now. The last run in I had with the cops was around two weeks ago when Geoff (you remember him right?) threw a party and the neighbours complained so they called the cops. I got a little drink and might have told the police to piss off and go to hell, but hey, who hasn't?

Yeah I guess I've kept in touch with a few of them. Geoff (duh) Gwen, (don't rip the page Courtney…) and Bridgette. Those guys are ok, I guess.

Heather? Cody? Sierra? Wow, you really have changed princess. I'm surprised you would even associate with them. What, is it like everytime you talk to Heather you must have this massive argument everytime and you must bully Cody to death and Sierra just beats you up for hurting Cody? Sound like a beautiful friendship.

Highschool…Meh. Ok I guess. I haven't really made any serious plans yet. But I bet you have anyway.

So… hows life been treating YOU? Write back soon okay?

Love, Duncan

P.S. If it makes you feel any better, me and Gwen had this argument today. You must be cheering now aren't you?

I smile as I put the letter into an envelope. I post staright away, since I have nothing better to do. I guess I could survive life a little longer as long as Courtney kept sending me letters. It just kinda perks me up you know? Just knowing she cares.

Soooooo guys thank you for reading and please review! Hopefully I can have the next chap up by tomorrow. And it includes a special surprise! ….

Love Peace Happiness

InsanelyCrazy3299


	4. News

**Enjoy!**

* * *

><p><strong><em>Courtney's POV<em>**

It's been three weeks. Three weeks since I wrote Duncan that first letter, three weeks since I learned he still cared, three weeks since I learned he misses me, three weeks since we began to rekindle our worn out relationship.

Three beautiful, magical weeks.

It's been great.

I went to see my therapist two days ago and she said that there's a very noticeable change in my aura. She says I'm glowing with happiness.

And I am.

Not just about Duncan but my whole life has been looking up recently. I got accepted into Oxford (yes!) and at the moment I've got an internship for the summer at my Dad's law firm. He's the CEO so easy win. I've been getting my social life back on track too. I've been going out with friends more, interacting more and even signed up for a martial arts course. Courtney is back.

I smile to myself as I walk around the local park. I inhale the cool summer breeze and let my skin soak up the sun's radiant heat, enjoying the feeling against my skin.

"What are you doing?" I hear a familiar voice, accented with a slight sneer. It's Heather. I open my eyes and groan as I see her standing in front of me. She hasn't changed much since the show, except that she's dropped the manipulative behaviour a little. Her hair hasn't grown much, it's shoulder length now but she still has it up in a pony tail.

"None of your business Heather. Do you mind going away now?" I snarl at her. She smirks. "Whatever Courtney, I'm only talking to you because I have to."

"What do you mean?"

She fishes an envelope out of her pocket. "Here. Chris sent it to my house by mistake. I've already got one."

I raise an eyebrow. "Chris? As in Chris Mclean? What does he want?" I say peering at the letter cautiously. I wouldn't be surprised if he planted some kind of trick in it.

"Something about a reunion for the show." Heather says, obviously bored with this conversation. I ignore her and stare at the still unopened envelope. Reunion? For the show? Why?

"Why would Chris want a reunion?" I mumble.

"Duh, same reason he does the show at all: to humiliate and torture us and for higher ratings. I'm officially bored so I'm leaving. Bye" Heather says yawning and walking away, giving me a back handed wave as she exits the park.

I furrow my eyebrows and sit down on the nearest bench, reading the letter. I roll my eyes at it, disgusted by Chris' informal writing. And the worst thing is there's no way of getting out of coming to this stupid reunion. I groan. I can't go to this. I can't be at that reunion if he's going to be there...

I cringe and shudder. Duncan is going to be there... with Gwen. Gwen and not me. He's going to sit next to her and not me. He's going to have his arm around her and not me. He's going to be cuddling up to Gwen and not me. He's going to be kissing her and not...wait.

I don't really want him back THAT bad...do I? I look down at the letter, which is now crumpled and my enclosed fist. I sigh and begin to walk back to my house. Does Duncan already know about the reunion? Probably not, unless Gwen informed him about it. He even told me in one of his letters that the only letters he even opens these days are the ones from me. I sigh and smile to myself. He really has grown up in the past months. Before when we were dating he would have never opened up that much to me. He would just tell me to stop being uptight and shoo me away. But when it came to Gwen asking questions like that he would happily answer. The smile escaped my face as I opened my front door, closing it behind me. I sauntered into my living room and slumped down on the sofa after grabbing a pen and paper from the drawer.

Dear Duncan,

I'm still doing good, just busy studying. Have to keep standards up if I want to remain at Oxford when I go. But anyway. I don't if you've heard about this reunion thingy that Chris is doing. Sounds stupid, I know. I actually don't mind going, but from what I've been informed about is that no one can get out of it. It's in our contract.

So just thought I'd tell you that. Write back.

Love, Courtney x

I posted it straight away. This reunion had ruined everything. Our perfect friendship was now at stake. I don't think I can go. Not if he's there.

**Sorry guys, I haven't been on for a while because I've just been busy with this and that. But i hoped you enjoyed it!**

**LOVE PEACE HAPPINESS**

**InsanelyCrazy3299**


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